Ah Ikea….a labyrinth of wonder containing every woman’s (and man’s) household dreams. The excitement of taking the exit of Ballymun and turning into the road that seems to be made especially for this Swedish masterstore. The carpark…oh so big and wide, full to the brim of eager shoppers wanting the sacred IKEA items to glorify their house. Taking the escalator upstairs builds the excitement. A woman waits with a yellow shopping bag and asks if ‘you know what you’re doing?’ A stand awaits with special mini IKEA pencils and measuring tape so you can measure to your hearts content. Ah the joy! Walking into the showrooms is like trespassing into someone’s very well presented, chic home. I want to buy that,that and that!! Oh no, not that. We need one of these! We don’t! We do! The urge to go to the toilet increases as you see toilet after toilet. You think, hmmm….I wonder, no I can’t, someone might see me, oh and they’re not plumbed, but…no, I’ll wait. What? The bathroom stuff AGAIN?! But we already saw that stuff earlier,ugh!! My feet are sore. Oh, yep, getting those. Ok, I’m ready to go, how long else will this take? Walking. When will this end? My feet are sore, this chair is comfy. I need food. So thirsty…. Walking faster. Yay, there’s the cafe. Oh wifi. Coffee machine isn’t working. Eat half a sandwich with coffee….finally!! Ok, so now we have to actually go downstairs to the warehouse bit and pick up everything that we saw. Whoops, picking up more than we saw. Keeping. Putting back. Going back, no…don’t need it. Next time! I forgot how big this warehouse was. When is it ending? My feet are sore. Great, now my legs and whole body is sore too. Ugh, I just want to get out of here already, stupid household crap that we don’t really need but kind of do. Why didn’t we just go to Argos?!
Time to pick up boxes. Almost out of this entrapment. Wheres the bloody aisle? Odd and evenly numbered aisles. Trolley is going sideways, can’t push…must go back to gym. Get these fecking boxes and get the hell out of here. ‘This product has two boxes.’ Ok, grand, its that one and that one or whatever. Queue up, beep. Beep. Beep. No beep. Looking for barcode. NONE. Off he goes down to look for the mystery box we somehow left behind. Avoiding eye contact with people in queue behind. Here he comes, no box. Must be another box. Off he goes again. Definitely avoiding eye contact with people in queue now. Oh just look at these cups, lovely. Jesus, hurry up! Here he comes again…with a box. My inside slowly turns happy. Wait for it….BEEP!! Yes. Lets get out of here. Young lad bashes into my trolley slightly, in fairness, these trollies are uncontrollable. Almost there. Almost there. Where’s the car? Oh right. Almost there. Unpack without breaking anything. Throw trolley into holder thingy. Get back to car, sit…breathe. Yay we got crap for the house, woohoo!! 5.5 hours later (I.KID.YOU.NOT). Let’s go to Blanchardstown, I’m starving!!
One Week Later…Almost
Bathroom cabinet is in kitchen, half assembled.
To Be Continued….